Tag: Relationships

I AM A SCHOOL COUNSELLOR

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It is National School Counselling week.

In honour I have created posters that you can feel free to download and use.

The students are why school counsellors do what they do. It has been my privilege over the years to do what I do. So if any of the below resonates with you, please feel free to use it.

I AM A SCHOOL COUNSELLOR

You Are the Reason I Do What I Do.

I am here not just for the tough days, the overwhelming moments or the times when life feels like too much – but for all of it. The dreams you are chasing, the friendships you are figuring out, the questions you are afraid to ask, and the moments you wish someone truly understood.

This time in your life can be a wild ride- exciting, confusing, sometimes frustrating. YOU don’t have to do it alone. You are not meant to.

You are seen. Even when you feel invisible.

You are heard. Even when you feel like you have no voice.

You are enough. Just as you are.

If you ever need a place to untangle your thoughts, or just breathe — I am here. No judgement. No pressure. Just support, honesty and a space where you matter.

I feel you have a right to know why I do what I do.

I am a school counsellor by choice.

Some of the things I have to do are difficult, but I choose to be here.

I am here because I believe I can help.

I care; I mean I really care about young people. I do my best to help as many students as I can, being advocates for you in school.

I want you to know

What you do with your life is up to you.

You are in charge of you. I am here to help you reach your full potential. I will insist that you learn. It is your ticket to absolute freedom.

Be all that you can be!

It isn’t easy being a teenager; even I can get frustrated with your raging hormones. You are growing and changing. I understand that. Take responsibility for your life and your actions and your teachers and others will respect you.

I do care, don’t ever forget it.

That’s why I am here.

That’s why I choose to do what I do.

I want you to know YOU can

Stop…Think…Speak

Remember, your thoughts lead to feelings lead to your actions. Change your thinking and you will have control of your life.

No matter what anyone else says or does to you, you are a worthwhile person. A gift from God. You are somebody.

There will be times during your school experience where negative things are said or done to you. You may experience painful times. Life can be difficult. It’s not what happens in your life that matters, but how you choose to respond to it.

What you put into school is what you will get out of it.

You can make a difference. If you choose to share a part of yourself with me, we can work together to make changes in your life. Your school experience will become everything you hoped it could be. Get involved and you will feel better about yourself.

Give life a chance.

One of the easiest things to say and one of the most difficult things to do are to live one day at a time. If you can master letting go of the past, not worrying about the future, but living each day to the fullest, then you will have lived a great life full of few regrets.

Be patient.

Change takes time. Let yourself grow. We all can change if we have the courage and the wisdom.

I have faith in you.

NEVER GIVE UP! Have Hope! Become the gift from God you were meant to be and you pass it on to others.

I hope your life is everything you ever dreamed it to be.

I am grateful if I am a small part of your journey.

REMEMBER

You are STRONGER than you think. BRAVER than you feel. You are more CAPABLE than you think. You are NEVER ever ALONE.

Come as you are.  I’ll be here for you.

Create An Intentional Ripple: The Smallest Good Deeds Matter

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As Valentine’s Day approaches we often ramp up our intentional thoughts to gift someone we love something special. I want to point out one of my all-time favourite quotes,

The Smallest Good Deed Is Better Than The Grandest Good Intention

J Burroughs

I’ve discovered that the most memorable moments are often born from the tiniest acts of kindness and I try my hardest to do them as often as I can not just on Valentine’s Day. A simple smile or “thank you” can brighten someone’s day, and a small favor can create a ripple effect of positivity.

One instance of a small gesture that stands out for me is when a student told me I had saved her life. I did not know the student, but she said I smiled at her every day in the hallway, and if not for that she was thinking about ending her life. The gesture was small, but the impact was immeasurable and I have never forgotten the moment she shared her story with me. It made me look at myself and what I do. As a result, I try as often as I can to do one small thing that I hope makes a difference for another human being.

Waiting for the perfect moment to do some grand gesture might never arrive. So start now … start today. Tell someone the difference they make in your life. You can send them a digital reminder.

Here are a few things to keep in mind about relationships that might help you based on John Gottman’s approach:

  1. The Magic Ratio:
    • Dr. Gottman talks about the importance of a 5:1 positive-to-negative interaction ratio. Are you practicing this interaction in all your relationships?
  2. Emotional Bank Account:
    • Think of your connections like a bank account, says Dr. Gottman. Regular deposits of emotional support build strong foundations. When and how often are you making deposits?
  3. The Four Horsemen:
    • Watch out for criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, warns Dr. Gottman. How are you paying attention to these in your relationships?
  1. Turning Towards Bids:
    • Bids for connection are like little invitations to intimacy. Respond positively to these bids. How often are you making these bids?
  2. The Love Map:
    • Dr. Gottman encourages building a detailed “love map” of your partner. Knowing your partner’s world intimately fosters a deep connection. Have you made a love map?
  3. Repair Attempts:
    • In every relationship, hiccups happen. Repair attempts are the remedy. Take time to apologize, make amends, and keep the connection intact. Who do you need to make repairs with today?
  4. Nurturing Fondness and Admiration:
    • Admire your partner’s or friends’ qualities; express fondness, Dr. Gottman advises. It’s like watering a plant; love in all relationships blossoms with care and attention. Who can you express fondness with today?
  5. Dreams Within Conflict:
    • Even conflicts have dreams and aspirations buried within, says Dr. Gottman. Unearth those dreams together for a richer understanding.
  6. Shared Meaning:
    • Relationships thrive on shared rituals and meanings. Create rituals in your life that matter to you and those you love.
  7. Small Moments, Big Impact:
    • I agree with Dr. Gottman, that small moments matter the most. Cherish the everyday connections; they make a difference for you and those you care about. Check out The Small Things Often Podcast.

So go ahead not just in your love relationships, but in your day-to-day connections with people take the time to find ways to do a small good deed. You will be glad you did.

  • Leave an extra tip.
  • Tell the manager their employee is doing a great job.
  • Buy a lotto ticket for someone for no reason.
  • Send a message, postcard, or letter telling someone how much you appreciate them.
  • Offer to help an elderly person do something.
  • Spend more time with those you love.

Live More … Laugh More …Love More … Be More intentional in your small deeds starting today.

Mastering The Connection: It’s All About Relationships

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Photo by Pixabay on Pexels.com

Truly fulfilling relationships are not about wanting to change someone or about finding someone who is perfect and without flaws, we all have them. It’s about having the courage to be yourself allowing yourself to be seen and having your partner or your friend accept you for who you truly are. If we want to build deep connections with another person we need to be vulnerable and let them see the real us. Discovering our true selves can be a lifelong journey that requires continuous effort and introspection.

In all relationships, we will make mistakes and can even end up possibly hurting the other person. Our partner or friend is not supposed to meet all of our needs, that’s up to us to do so. Having the courage to recognize the times when we need support from someone else whether that be a friend or professional is important. It takes courage to reach out especially for those in an abusive relationship, but doing so could help to make better connections and healthier decisions.

Conflict is normal in any relationship, but if we communicate honestly and find ways to work through the challenges, building trust in one another, a healthy relationship can be the end result. One way we can do this is by letting our partner or friend know when we need a break and by not giving them the silent treatment or in other words as Gottman calls it stonewalling, which can be emotionally abusive. If you are looking to improve any relationship Gottman has great tips.

Emotional connections are important, however, if we are always looking at the needs of someone else and not paying attention to our own, or if we fall into unhealthy relationship patterns we need to look deeper into the why and make some changes.

In healthy relationships each partner is looking out for the other, recognizing that they need to make compromises and that life can sometimes get messy. It isn’t about a long life together that is miserable, it’s about a life together that has way more ups than downs. A life where you can say I love and care deeply about that other human being be it a friend or lover.

There may come a time when you ask yourself do I need to end this relationship? While not easy, it may be necessary. I love this thread by Dr. Nicola Pera on when to end a relationship. It is thoughtful and wise.

Deciding to end a relationship can be a difficult and complex process. Here are some questions to consider:

  1. How do you feel when you’re around this person? Do you feel energized and happy or drained and unhappy?
  2. Do you trust this person? Do you believe what they say or do you feel like they’re hiding something from you?
  3. Is this a one-sided relationship?
  4. Is your partner/friend unable or unwilling to change and meet your needs?
  5. Does your partner/friend consistently break promises or fail to live up to their commitments?
  6. Are you staying in the relationship because you’re afraid of being alone or because you genuinely want to be with this person?
  7. Are my interactions with this person way more positive than negative?
  8. Are you compromising your values or sacrificing your happiness for the sake of the relationship?
  9. Are you constantly questioning whether this is a healthy relationship?
  10. Do you like who you are in this relationship?

Ultimately, the decision to end a relationship is a personal one. There is no one-size-fits-all answer. Considering these questions could possibly help you gain clarity and insight into whether ending the relationship is the right choice for you.

Letting go is never easy, and at times we all have to make the choice that is right for us. There have also been times when I have been open to new friendships along this journey of life. Friends who make me a better human being. Friends who make my world a better place by being in it. You know who you are. I am so grateful I remained open.

Healthy relationships are about mutual respect, trust, setting boundaries, love, acceptance and support. When we create foundations of trust and love that weather all the storms, relationships can be amazing.

I am grateful for all the incredible long-lasting relationships that have graced my life making me a better person along the way. I look forward to continuing to nurture and cultivate these connections for years to come. Mastering the connection, and having relationships that last a lifetime is not always easy, but it is worth all the time and effort that make it possible.

You Are There For A Purpose

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Each day as a School Counsellor you have an opportunity to impact a child’s life in a way unlike others are able to do. Never ever lose sight of that. It might be a small action that touches a child’s heart and makes a difference for a lifetime. You have the time to truly listen and understand what it is a child needs and how to help them in a way that can change their perceptions of themselves and the world around them. It is a gift you have been given to give away , so treasure the moments that are right there in front of you each day as you enter your school. You are there for a purpose.