As Valentine’s Day approaches we often ramp up our intentional thoughts to gift someone we love something special. I want to point out one of my all-time favourite quotes,
The Smallest Good Deed Is Better Than The Grandest Good Intention
J Burroughs
I’ve discovered that the most memorable moments are often born from the tiniest acts of kindness and I try my hardest to do them as often as I can not just on Valentine’s Day. A simple smile or “thank you” can brighten someone’s day, and a small favor can create a ripple effect of positivity.
One instance of a small gesture that stands out for me is when a student told me I had saved her life. I did not know the student, but she said I smiled at her every day in the hallway, and if not for that she was thinking about ending her life. The gesture was small, but the impact was immeasurable and I have never forgotten the moment she shared her story with me. It made me look at myself and what I do. As a result, I try as often as I can to do one small thing that I hope makes a difference for another human being.
Waiting for the perfect moment to do some grand gesture might never arrive. So start now … start today. Tell someone the difference they make in your life. You can send them a digital reminder.
Here are a few things to keep in mind about relationships that might help you based on John Gottman’s approach:
The Magic Ratio:
Dr. Gottman talks about the importance of a 5:1 positive-to-negative interaction ratio. Are you practicing this interaction in all your relationships?
Emotional Bank Account:
Think of your connections like a bank account, says Dr. Gottman. Regular deposits of emotional support build strong foundations. When and how often are you making deposits?
Watch out for criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling, warns Dr. Gottman. How are you paying attention to these in your relationships?
Turning Towards Bids:
Bids for connection are like little invitations to intimacy. Respond positively to these bids. How often are you making these bids?
The Love Map:
Dr. Gottman encourages building a detailed “love map” of your partner. Knowing your partner’s world intimately fosters a deep connection. Have you made a love map?
Repair Attempts:
In every relationship, hiccups happen. Repair attempts are the remedy. Take time to apologize, make amends, and keep the connection intact. Who do you need to make repairs with today?
Nurturing Fondness and Admiration:
Admire your partner’s or friends’ qualities; express fondness, Dr. Gottman advises. It’s like watering a plant; love in all relationships blossoms with care and attention. Who can you express fondness with today?
Dreams Within Conflict:
Even conflicts have dreams and aspirations buried within, says Dr. Gottman. Unearth those dreams together for a richer understanding.
Shared Meaning:
Relationships thrive on shared rituals and meanings. Create rituals in your life that matter to you and those you love.
Small Moments, Big Impact:
I agree with Dr. Gottman, that small moments matter the most. Cherish the everyday connections; they make a difference for you and those you care about. Check out The Small Things Often Podcast.
So go ahead not just in your love relationships, but in your day-to-day connections with people take the time to find ways to do a small good deed. You will be glad you did.
Leave an extra tip.
Tell the manager their employee is doing a great job.
Buy a lotto ticket for someone for no reason.
Send a message, postcard, or letter telling someone how much you appreciate them.
Offer to help an elderly person do something.
Spend more time with those you love.
Live More … Laugh More …Love More … Be More intentional in your small deeds starting today.
How we connect is not always how we think we should connect. There is not always one way that we can connect, but for sure however we connect we need to be kind and generous , caring and real.
Finding ways to connect face to face in a positive way is a great place to start. Learn to listen, observe , engage , in as many ways that you can. Connecting with others takes time , be patient and recognize that just because you don’t necessarily connect with one person that does not mean you cannot connect with another person in a more meaningful way.
Be yourself
Recognize that those who you will become lifelong friends or partners with will accept you for who you are .
Face your fears
Find ways to let go of your fears and start a conversation, ask questions or find what you have in common . You may do this both F2F and online.
Look beyond what you see
We are complex beings and if you give others a real chance to get to know them then you may find that they are so much more than what you first see.
Open your heart
Yes, you might get hurt, but when you open yourself to new friendships or relationships your world can open like never before and you are never the same.
All relationships are about give and take
Sometimes you will give more than your friend or partner does , but that is ok . At some point in your relationship they may give more. It’s all about the give and the take.
Connecting today may take many forms
Not all connecting online is a bad thing. Connect in the right ways with the right people and you may discover you develop friendships and relationships that are rich and rewarding and could last a lifetime.
Trust your instincts
If you see red flags online or off trust those gut feelings and take action . Not all connections are healthy. Do you respect the other person ? Do they respect you? Do you know what a healthy relationship looks like ? Learn more here.
Work on yourself
Be the kind of person that you want a friend or partner to be. Being a good human being is a lifelong endeavour. Always reflect on who you are and who you want to be.
Finding and maintaining healthy relationships is often the key to much happiness in life. Connecting online or off in a healthy way can improve your life. Connecting in a negative way can ruin your life. Look forward to the many ways that you can positively connect with others throughout life knowing that true connections can lift you up making you a better and happier person. How we connect with others truly matters .
Nothing matters more to me than my family. I am at a point in life where our children are grown up and don’t need me as much, but I continue to love every moment I spend with them. They bring a smile to my face and joy in my heart every time I sit down to a meal with them or get to be around them. I am grateful … oh so grateful. I hope my children and husband realize just how much they mean to me not only by my actions, but also through my words. Part of the reason I blog is for my children so that they can see another piece of who their mother is. My heart is so full of love for them.
“One Hundred Years From Now”
One hundred years from now
It won’t matter
What kind of car I drove
What kind of house I lived in
How much money I had in the bank
Nor what my clothes looked like
BUT
The world may be a little better
Because, I was important
In the life of a child.
Author: (excerpt from “Within My Power” by Forest Witcraft)
“What A Difference You’ve Made In My Life”. This is the song that played at our wedding and it holds true for my children as well as my husband. Seeing this you tube video was a trip down memory lane for me because as a teenager I loved Donny Osmond. We’ll let’s say i liked him,my friend was obsessed with him .I flew to Toronto to see him with my friend Evelyn when I was fifteen years old. (LOL) . I digress. The point I really want to make is my children and my husband have made a profound positive difference in my life.
I am so fortunate to have amazing friendships that lift me up, bring me great joy and fill my heart with love. We have bonds that cannot be broken. We share so many special moments in life. Each friendship I have I absolutely treasure. I value the precious moments I have with them and don’t ever take them for granted.
I moved to Calgary via Nova Scotia and Atikameg in 1981. It was a move that would change the course of my life and so began my story of lifelong adult relationships.
Fortunately for me I have enjoyed wonderful friendships in my life, so I knew how they could make a difference and sustain me. I have lifelong childhood friends from Nova Scotia who remain my dear friends today. Even though I have been away for thirty-five years, we still make a point of seeing each other and celebrating our friendships every summer.
Little did I know when I moved to Calgary, it would become my home or that I would discover extraordinary life giving friendships that would sustain me for life. “The gang” as we would so affectionately call ourselves are wonderful, kind, intelligent, considerate, amazing, loving and caring people. Our connections remain unbreakable.
The thing that I think is so amazing about these people is that we have been friends for over twenty-five years and never ever had a fight or major disagreement with one another.
In over twenty-five years we have missed very little time where we go not seeing each other. We have celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, New Years, birthdays, births, deaths, and we often get together for absolutely no reason at all. There rarely goes by a month where we don’t sit down once , twice or even more times together to enjoy a feast.
Every celebration creates fabulous memories. We laugh, sing, play games, tell stories and just plain enjoy each other’s company. Our children have been blessed with such great role models of positive, lasting friendships.
We are there for each other whenever anyone needs something no matter what. I can count on these people for whatever I need. They are my family. No, we are not related, but we are closer than some families. We have made a connection that will last a lifetime.
What do we all have in common? We moved to Calgary to work. We needed to be able to use the skills from our education. It was a place to create a life for ourselves. None of us knew we would remain in Calgary after all these years. There are other commonalities, but this and the fact that we all had no family in Calgary brought us together.
We all happen to be from a place near the water. Prince Edward Island, Vancouver and Nova Scotia. Other friends come to some of our celebrations, but they don’t get to celebrate all of them because they have family here in Calgary. The rest of us don’t ( except for a few cousins who we adore).
I absolutely love these people, and so do our children. We have been blessed with laughter in abundance over the years. I have positive memories that are etched vividly in my mind and will be passed on down to our children and hopefully our future grandchildren. There are stories upon stories that have been shared over the years. We never get tired of telling each other stories.
When I tell people about how much we really care about each other after all these years, they are often amazed. Really, we have never fought with each other about anything throughout the years.
What a gift I have been given. If I could I’d jump over mountains for these people I most definately would. They make such a difference in my life. I have work friends, neighbourhood friends, long distance friends , on line friends ( yes, you can create amazing on line friendships) and lifetime friends. Each holds a special place in my heart. each is a true gift.
I have been so blessed with all the friends that surround me. I can’t even put into words what they have meant to me.
If I pass anything onto my children it will be this.
Find great friends, not friends you necessarily always agree with all the time, but friends who you love being around and they love being around you.
Friends who :
accept you just the way you are
you can laugh and cry with
would be there in a minute no matter what you needed
the spouses / partners like and respect each other
don’t mind being silly with you no matter how old you are
share the good times and the bad with you
you always know will be there no matter what the circumstances
share your hopes, dreams, successes and losses
find friends who always seem to know the right thing to say or do
I am so happy to celebrate my friends. I want to shout from the mountaintops that YOU have provided me with some of the happiest memories of my life. I LOVE YOU so so much!
3. Life is To Be Lived
I have believed for many many years that we need to live life to the fullest, maybe because of all the early deaths that have happened to people I have loved or people I have cared for. Zach is an amazing example for all of us. He is a teacher with many wonderful lessons and ones that are definitely worth sharing.
You don’t have to find out you are dying to start living
most people live in the middle, but you don’t have to
be empathetic and compassionate
always look for the good in people
things are OK when you believe in something greater
what makes you happy is seeing someone else smile because you put it there
what’s awesome about living in this world is that you can help people
the structure of a family is great
to be in the same room with your siblings is enough
it is not the life in your years , but the years and passion you put into your life
spend time with the people you love
it’s ok to dream big
celebrate the life you have
you can communicate love through music
music can heal
releasing feelings through music is helpful
letting people know you love them is important
sticking together as a family is extremely important
be happy no matter what
treat people the same and everything will be fine
smile despite what is happening in your life
memories are essential…create positive ones
friendships help
fill your heart up with joy
it’s ok to have ultimate dreams
people we don’t really know can change our lives
the way you live matters
surround yourself with those people that lift you up
LOVE makes life BETTER
Zach says it alll better than I could ever do, his message is one that I will share again and again. Thanks Zach for giving us your gift of life. I know I treasure each day I have been given.
4. Find a Career You Love
I have been blessed with work I love to do. I have felt honoured to be able to be in the presence of so many students who have helped to teach me so much in life. I feel honoured that they allow me to enter into their world. Each day I go to work I am grateful. It doesn’t mean that every moment of every day I am happy, but most moments of most days I really am very happy. My work brings me great joy and fulfillment. I really try to put passion into practice .
5. Have Hope
Life is not always easy and sometimes just downright hard, but having hope has gotten me through all the rough times. Even when I might have felt like giving up I haven’t because I could see a spark of hope. May you find HOPE in your life.
Music can heal the soul and inspire hope. I love music , well who doesn’t. This last song is one when I hear it , I think of my husband who I am forever grateful for. Finding him is a gift that has made my life better. The words speak what I have in my heart.
This reflective post has been worth sharing for me. Thanks to Maureen Crawford for inspiring this post.
Now I challenge you . What are your 5 things worth sharing?
photo used by permission by Aaron (Bishop Carroll student)
I moved to Calgary via Nova Scotia and Atikameg in 1981. It was a move that would change the course of my life and so began my story of lifelong adult relationships.
Fortunately for me I have had wonderful friendships in my life, so I knew how they could make a difference and sustain me. I have lifelong childhood friends from Nova Scotia who remain my dear friends today, even though I have been away for thirty-three years. We still make a point of seeing each other and celebrating our friendships every summer.
Little did I know when I moved to Calgary, it would become my home or that I would discover extraordinary life giving friendships that would sustain me for life,”the gang” as we would so affectionately call ourselves. My friends are wonderful, kind, intelligent, considerate, amazing, loving and caring people. Our connections remain unbreakable.
The thing that I think is so amazing about these people is that we have been friends for over twenty-five years and never ever had a fight or major disagreement with one another.
In over twenty-five years we have missed very little time where we go not seeing each other on a regular basis or celebrate a meal together. We have celebrated Thanksgiving, Christmas, Easter, New Years, birthdays, births, deaths, and we often get together for absolutely no reason at all. There rarely goes by a month where we don’t sit down once , twice or even more times together to enjoy a feast.
Every celebration creates fabulous memories. We laugh, sing, play games, tell stories and just plain enjoy each other’s company. Our children have been blessed with such great role models of positive, lasting friendships.
We are there for each other whenever anyone needs something no matter what. I can count on these people for whatever I need. They are my family. No, we are not related, but we are closer than some families. We have made a connection that will last a lifetime.
What do we all have in common? We moved to Calgary to work. We needed to be able to use the skills from our education. It was a place to create a life for ourselves. There are other commonalities, but this and the fact that we all had no family in Calgary has brought us together.
We all happen to be from a place near the water. Prince Edward Island, Vancouver and Nova Scotia. Others come to some of our celebrations, but not all of them because they have family here in Calgary. The rest of us don’t.
I absolutely love these people, and so do our children. We have been blessed with laughter in abundance over the years, positive memories that are etched vividly in my mind and will be passed on down to our children. There are stories upon stories that have been shared over the years. We never get tired of telling each other stories.
As I get ready to celebrate another fantastic seafood dinner with my buddies tomorrow, I know that we will have a glorious time. I look forward to each and every time we spend together. I wish you could sit around the table with us and hear the joy and laughter that abounds. If you listen close enough maybe you will.
When I tell people about how much we really care about each other after all these years, they are often amazed. Really, we have never fought with each other about anything throughout the years.
What a gift I have been given. If I could I’d jump over mountains for these people I most definately would. They make such a difference in my life.
I have been so blessed with all the friends that surround me. I can’t even put into words what they have meant to me.
If I pass anything onto my children it will be this.
Find great friends, not friends you necessarily always agree with all the time, but friends who you love being around and they love being around you.
Friends who :
accept you just the way you are
you can laugh and cry with
would be there in a minute no matter what you needed
the spouses like and respect each other
don’t mind being silly with you no matter how old you are
share the good times and the bad with you
you always know will be there no matter what the circumstances
share your hopes, dreams, successes and losses
Friends who always seem to know the right thing to say or do.
I am so happy to celebrate my friends. I want to shout from the mountaintops that YOU have provided me with some of the happiest memories of my life.I LOVE YOU so much!
Click on the link for a digital tribute to my friends…
Counsellor Talk : Connecting with those who want to make a difference. 